I went home (to the tundra) last weekend. It was an adventure. First, I was hit on by the dude next to me, Chad from downtown Minneapolis, on the plane. Chad insisted I'm 10 years younger than I am. Score.For me. He did not score. Bummer for you, Chad, but you were quite charming and I… Continue reading Oh Skymall…you dirty dirty bird…
The Houpocalypse Is Upon Us
Earlier this week I attempted to see whether I could look forward to drowning in a mudpit or roasting in a dust loud during my Saturday morning lead-the-horses-til-my-legs-scream hiking volunteer work.Apparently there won't be any, since the news site I used indicated the world ends today at 3pm. And, there will be no weekend. It was nice… Continue reading The Houpocalypse Is Upon Us
Updated for awesome. So…How Many Can I Request??
So, yesterday it occurred to me that elevators are a veritable buffet of potential hotness. I mean really, firefighters at the push of a button*? *I KNOW the button is for firefighters' use, not an awesome Bat signal for buff heroic types of either sex. **this is not a real post. But I'm back: real posts commencing forthwith! UPDATE:… Continue reading Updated for awesome. So…How Many Can I Request??
Spam Day! Because Wizards Reduce Belly Fat…
So, what exactly is "forskolin"?? Because I'm not gonna lie: it sounds like foreskin, and that's just creepy as hell. Also, while it's possible penises (penii??) can help with weight loss (sex is exercise, right?), all I can think of here is some alchemical potion of foreskin and lanolin. Some creeptastic grizzly wizard in moldy robes, frantically… Continue reading Spam Day! Because Wizards Reduce Belly Fat…
It IS A SNAKE DEN GODDAMMIT! (Also, Mythic Monday – The Headless Horseman)
Listen up people. A couple weeks ago I specifically asked if THIS is a snake den: .I HAVE A SNAKIPEDER IN MY GODDAMNED GARDEN!Tonight I discovered it INDEED IS...when I brought boxes out the front door and SAW the bastard's head sticking out of the hole. Do you KNOW how many holes there are in… Continue reading It IS A SNAKE DEN GODDAMMIT! (Also, Mythic Monday – The Headless Horseman)
Update: Screaming Worms.
Turns out it's "web worms" (a couple people called them silkworms, but I didn't see any silk...just gross maggoty things that moved in time with the beat of Chewy's feet as he walked by). Husband thinks Chewy is purposefully amassing an army of worms to create air-support (as they do eventually turn into moths, after… Continue reading Update: Screaming Worms.
What the HELL is in my tree??
In true Texas fashion I've discovered a new horror in my backyard. What the fuck IS THIS???? I plan on spraying wasp killer on it tonight, in hopes it kills the dancing worm things inside (which move in unison, by the way, because that's not creepy as fuck AT ALL). This state is going to kill me.
Scully Explains Feminism in the BEST WAY.
I've been watching Netflix streamed crime shows lately, particularly ones from other countries. Oddly enough, it was in a serial killer show with Gillian Anderson (SCULLY!!) and Jaime Dornden (Once Upon a Time, 50 Shades) that has boiled down the best description of everyday sexism I've ever seen. Gillian Anderson, a special police investigator, is… Continue reading Scully Explains Feminism in the BEST WAY.
Mythic Monday: Brownie
Help Wanted: small brownish creature willing to help clean my house, ride the dogs around in the middle of the night, organize as necessary, and remain hidden. Payment: various foodstuffs including porridge (when available), honey, chocolate, and heavy cream. Lodging and privacy included. Tolerance for iron in the house required. People, I desperately need a… Continue reading Mythic Monday: Brownie
I have no good title for this…It’s an anniversary of sorts.
It's been two years this weekend since Husband and a friend were on his motorcycle when they were schmucked by a drunk asshole. I say schmucked because said drunk asshole was going about 45mph and didn't slow down. At all. He pinned Husband's leg between the truck and the bike, breaking his pelvis in two… Continue reading I have no good title for this…It’s an anniversary of sorts.
No Pithy Phrase 