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Why I’m NOT reading 50 Shades of Anything

My mother-in-law recently asked me if I read 50 Shades of Grey (nope, I sure didn’t add a link to the book there and yup, it was on purpose). I could probably do a whole post jsust on inappropriate things my MIL has asked me over the years.

Instead, let me explain why I refuse to read them.

First: 50 Shades is fan fiction based on Twilight. I did read all four Twilight novels after much urging by certain friends (whom I’ve since forgiven but will never ever trust to recommend books again), and I’ll NEVER GET THAT WEEK BACK. Nor have I been able to scrub them from my brain. I don’t need that again.

Second: I like good writing. I tried to read the first few pages while idling at Barnes & Noble one day and was immediately turned off by bad sentence structure, word choices, and imagery. As a reader, I count on being completely immersed in that story’s world. If I’m thrown out of the story by crappy writing there’s no point in trying to finish.

Third: If you’re going to write something that’s marketed as “erotica” it goddamn well better be hot. EVERYONE I’ve asked said they’d read hotter sex scenes in standard romance novels. That means the majority of readers are just titilated by the idea of the domination/submission aspect, and that bores the hell out of me.

I’m not offended by the fetish or up in arms in a feminist stance against the idea: in fact I’m a pretty firm believer that whatever two consenting adults want to experiment in is cool. But the older man/young innocent (ugh) woman domination thing is SO UTTERLY CLICHE it’s just downright boring. It’s as tired as the old bodice ripper versions of romance novels: it’s been done…adding a ball gag doesn’t make it new.

I unapolegetically adore romance novels. A group of friends has had a Dirty Book Club going on for quite a few years, which is where I discovered fabulous authors like Gena Showalter, P.C. Cast, and Kresley Cole. I HIGHLY recommend any of their novels for fantastic storylines, excellent worlds and hot hot hot sex scenes.

I’d buy any of their works, anytime…because when there’s a long list of books to be read out there and a short amount of time it’s worth reading the good stuff.

UPDATE: Yes, I’m aware the actual title is Fifty Shades of Grey. I’m lazy. Deal.

10 thoughts on “Why I’m NOT reading 50 Shades of Anything

  1. I've decided the true purpose of Half of Hundred Shades of Grey is to ferret out which of your coworkers are closet pervs. Or maybe not so closet. Since it good to look for the positive in things, hey at least I know my coworkers are literate! And will read for fun.

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  2. You're so right! Heehee…maybe it's really a gateway book, and next you'll see the romance novels with \”WARNING! THIS BOOK IS REALLY HOT!\” messages on the back cover.

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  3. Totally with you on this! I am not a fan of crappy books and I'm seriously surprised at the large following it seems to have. People who don't read books are picking these up and all I can think is \”If this is your first book in 10 years, please God make it something good!\” For romance novels, try Elizabeth Hoyt. She writes some of my favorites. They are my guilty pleasure.

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  4. I, too was turned off by the awful sentence structure, etc. and I personally find nothing sexy about BDSM. I prefer a classic \”boddice ripper\” any day to this trite bullshit of a book series, but to each his own, I suppose. I am glad it's getting a lot of people to pick up a damn book, but I will be so excited for these books to dissapear into obscurity.

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  5. I agree completely, this is one of those situations where the sexual content of the book (bondage/sadism/submission) is irrelevant, because the book is just bad. Bondage or not, the quality of the writing is poor at best. Bondage can be very hot and if you are interested than their are far better options out there for books to read. Steer clear of Fifty Shades though.

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  6. You are so right on so many levels… I did, however, read Fifty Shades of Grey and would like 3 hours of my life back. It's horrible writing and the sex is \”eh\”–I feel like if you are going to write erotica you should go for it, and the sex didn't seem all that steamy. She refused to write the word \”penis\” and kept using hyperbole. Bastards. I wrote two post about it on my blog about how this is NOT the great American classic and women need to hold their sexytime books to a high caliber.Stick to your guns. It's not worth it. Great post 🙂

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  7. I have a strange urge to yell AMEN….You hit the nail right on the head…I did not get past the first page in the bookstore, before openly proclaiming it total crap.

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  8. The author is going to be in MN in September doing a book signingin the same place The Bloggess is doing hers. Somehow that offends my sensibilities. And yet, it DOES give me hope that I'll publish my own work someday…I mean THAT \”story\” found a publisher, right? 🙂

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