There are no puppies in my house anymore. Thor is now 11, which is in his early 80's in German Shepherd years. Chewy is nearly 10, which is mid-80's in Great Pyrenees years. You'd think in their dotage they'd be less prone to random acts of asshattery, right? Oh no, definitely not. And so, things… Continue reading Thor, Chewy, Beelzebub
Things I've learned since moving to Texas: I have an accent. I am amused. Ya. Youbetcha.Kolaches. Look them up: they are not a sneeze, despite what you may be thinking. Weird...but I'm planning to try the bacon/egg/cheese version. Someone explain to me WHAT THE FUCK SKITTERED across my bathroom floor at 3am? 3am is the… Continue reading All Your Blinkers Are Useless Here.
In case you were wondering, Thor wouldn't allow me to put the "Happy Fucking Birthday" hat on him. Apparently he has more pride than Chewy, who allowed it but only with a cranky face. This is not the same cranky face I get when it's time for nail clipping, ear cleaning, or bathing...but it's close.… Continue reading My Dogs: Too Lazy To Rip Each Other’s Faces Off.
...until I had dogs. THOR! STOP humping your brother!Who peed on the bathroom floor?Dude...it's a buttless, headless monkey (much beloved/abused stuffed animal)...gross. Chewy, I know you have to eviscerate stuffed animals, but do you HAVE to get the guts all over the floor?Chewy, seriously, poop THEN wander around. You look retarded.DON'T STEP IN IT!! GODDAMMIT!!!NO… Continue reading Things I Never Thought I’d Say Out Loud…
Chewy waited until Thor wasn't looking, stole the much-abused tennis ball, and climbed to his normal spot on the couch. Where he promptly fell asleep, apparently exhausted from his efforts to again thieve toys from his brother. Later he snored loud enough to wake himself up. Startled, he dropped the ball, barked incessantly, and searched… Continue reading Chewy: Exhausted Hoarder