Thirty F-ing One

It was my birthday on Sunday. Whoopee? I’m now officially in my 30’s instead of standing on the border…and as usual it makes me introspective. What have I done, what haven’t I done, what should I do: add to that I’ve been stressed out since Con and I’m just glad it’s over. Fest starts next week, my ‘rents will be in town, and maybe my life will take one some sense of normal…or at least as normal as my life ever gets!

I wonder sometimes if I’m a good enough friend to people: I could probably name at least four or five people I consider fairly casual acquaintences even though they clearly consider me to be a friend. That’s not to say I couldn’t consider them closer friends eventually, but I’m not generally and instant-connection person: I just don’t trust people for a very, very long time. I could probably figure out the reasons why if I wanted to sit down and really think about it, but the short version is I’m just a small inner circle sort of person, I guess. I feel bad about that sometimes, though, because I’ve probably hurt some of them with seeming indifference. *sigh* Told you I’m introspective…

My cousin is getting married in 3 days. A cousin I babysat when she was really little…under 5. I feel old people. Old! And at the same time I feel like I have lotsa time. How weird is that?

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