It’s Dorian. Dorian Cruise.

Last week I watched Mission Impossible: Tom Cruise Never Gets Old.

Let me preface this post by saying I love the MI movies, and not just for Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner. I love them because I can usually see foreshadowing clearly, and so not many plots are surprising. In MI, of course the good guys will win in the end, but damn if they don’t take the most ridiculous and unexpected twists along the way that make it fun.


After much thought about Tom Cruise and how he looks almost exactly the same as he did in the first one, I’ve come to a conclusion.

Obviously, the benefits of breaking into the upper strata of Scientology include a Dorian Gray-esque simulacrum which ages on your behalf.

Is it a Dobby chained in the basement? A painting in a secret room of one of his mansions? A Ring of Power? Super secret cloning technology (in which case, is he part velociraptor)?

I’m sure I’ll never know.

And you can thank Mission Impossible for this entire line of ridiculousness.

PS: If you are lost on my references here, please read the following. Do not watch the movies until you’ve read the books…that’s passing go, people, and DO NOT PASS GO.

A Picture of Dorian Gray
Harry Potter
The Lord of the Rings
Jurassic Park

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