I’m Not Even That Caffeinated Today.

I’m taking a break from the book to blog, because what’s better for a writing break than…more writing? I don’t know how to explain that it IS different. So, while my bloodthirsty eagle soars over the steppe and considers human snacks (in my head, people, in my head), here are some random items of note, none of which are enough for a real post:

  • Someone found my blog by googling “pithy snake” which I find both disturbing and intriguing. 
  • I put out mouse traps because fall = the critters in the crawlspace attempting to invade. Baited with peanut butter. 
  • Fucking ants ate ALL the goddamned peanut butter off both traps in such an efficient and interesting manner (seriously, it’s like they had their own tiny highway or fire brigade bucket line) I just let them have it all. 
  • So…Dear Lowes: I need rodent poison for the crawlspace, peanut butter for the traps in my house, and ant killer.
  • The AC guy told me all about his divorce last week while he was waiting for his counterpart to come help him fix the compressor. AC guy is a new one – taxi drivers, plane passengers, library patrons, and all manner of random acquaintances are all on the list of “strangers who tell me all their personal stuff”. I am amused. 
  • AC guy totally paid for his listening session by going into the crawlspace to turn the outside water back on, despite having an expressed fear of spiders. He couldn’t find the spigot, but did confirm creatures of the furry AND arachnid variety in abundance in the fucking crawlspace. 
  • Dear Lowes: please add a shop vac (for mouse poop and spiderwebs), some sort of Shelob killer, and perhaps a person braver than I am to venture down there. 
  • A couple people have asked in the past why I don’t just go get a counseling degree and open a practice. I actually have an answer because I’ve considered it. Were I to get a degree it would be in trauma counseling, not relationship/marriage counseling. And in general, while I’ll give advice if asked I try really hard to ONLY be an ear and let people figure out their shit on their own. I seem to be found when I’m needed by those who need an ear (let’s be clear that in the cases to which I’m referring, it’s not ME they’re looking for, it’s a sympathetic and/or non-judgmental human willing to listen), and fuck making a living off that – I’d be exhausted all the time. 
  • In Spam mail I read the subject line too fast and could’ve sworn the email said “Dental Breast Implants”, which I found to be a heartily disturbing mental image, and a seriously funny ad. Sadly, it was really for normal dental implants, no boobs involved. 
  • In all honesty, I took a break from both the book AND the blog to watch this week’s episode of Killjoys on SyFy. If you aren’t watching this show, what the fuck is WRONG with you? You’re missing absolute gold. And OH LOOKY THERE, the whole first season is streaming on Syfy’s website. 
I have another couple thousand words to go today, so this is the end of my not-post. There is another goddamned cellar spider in the corner of the ceiling at the top of my stairs. Last time one of those dudes hung out there, a wolf spider the size of my palm came to eat him. No, thank you, 8 legged wonders of horror. I appreciate your function OUTSIDE the house. 
Vacuum, then write. 
PS: It’s 5:30pm in August, and it’s 66 degrees out. YES YES YES!

One thought on “I’m Not Even That Caffeinated Today.

  1. Someone found, actually many people, find my blog by searching for \”vagina with teeth\”. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't have ants or mice, but I have a cat that vomits all the time. It's not the same but it still sucks.


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