Fortune Favors the Weird

So, I collect “interesting” fortune cookie fortunes. I don’t put “in bed” on the end when I read them out loud…mostly because I’ve gotten some impressively awful ones over the years.

If you’re feeling down, try throwing yourself into your work. Or anywhere other than work, because what the fuck will make you feel LESS happy when you’re depressed than drowning in work?? Why not throw yourself into a hot bath with wine and chocolate, or in bed with your significant other, or on the floor with a cuddly dog?

Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. And good aim when you lose calm, poise, and balance and start throwing things. Not that I throw things. I’m more likely to go to the range or the heavy-bag for an hour…in which case I reiterate: good aim.

Deep faith eliminates fear. So does a deep bottle of wine. Just sayin.

If you love something, set it free…if it returns, keep it and love it forever. Unless it’s cake. If it’s cake, eat it all and enjoy every delicious bite, because who knows when you’ll get cake again?

BLANK I’ve gotten no less than three blank fortunes. It’s the universe warning me about the zombie apocalypse, I’m sure. See? WHO KNOWS when you’ll get cake again?


Cookies go stale. Fortunes are forever. WELL. That’s not ominous at all.

All things have an end. As if the blank fortunes needed to be clearer in their DOOM DOOM DOOM messaging…

Fortune Not Found: Abort, Retry, Ignore? FUCKING REALLY?? REALLY??

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