In the past couple of weeks we've packed up all our shit, loaded two very anxious dogs into the back of the truck, and caravanned ourselves from Minnesota to Texas. Between the job I started the Monday after we got here and the living in-between-houses situation, I couldn't get my blog updated since we left.… Continue reading Indeed, I’m not dead. I just feel that way.
Author: Jess
Amateur historian, mythology enthusiast, writer, reader, sarcastic weirdo, cancer survivor. Author of Defying Shadows: For Witches and Pagans Battling Cancer and Chronic Illness.
"Negative, I Am A Meat Popsicle"
It's true, I've been watching some LeeLoo Dallas: Multipass* while packing.I forgot how much I hate moving, even if we do have weirdo neighbors. There's a lot of crying and drooling in my house (by the dogs, of course...I don't drool when I'm crying. Maybe while sleeping, but there hasn't been a lot of that… Continue reading "Negative, I Am A Meat Popsicle"
Dear Minnesota: Buh-Bye Then!
Juice boxes for adults. I'd like a case, please. So, man gets hit by drunk fuck assmonkey and nearly croaks. Man recovers, decides life's way too short to continue doing what he's been doing (just getting by) and wants to follow his passions. Man also sick as fuck about the frozen tundra's endless miserable winter. Man finds the only… Continue reading Dear Minnesota: Buh-Bye Then!
The Stealthy Snakipeder Army.
The snow is finally (mostly) gone in my yard, and what's left is just the ghostly evidence of the Snakipeder invasion. The dogs attempted valiantly to reduce their numbers over the winter: digging furiously and pouncing like giant (and unwieldy) cats on invisible critters beneath the snowpack.There was a whole goddamn BASE of them in the… Continue reading The Stealthy Snakipeder Army.
Monday is for…Face-Rending Owl Muppets
To begin your week, I give you True Facts About The Owl.Because they disguise themselves as Muppets.Thank you to my friend Angie over at Is This Where You Want to be When Raptor Jesus Comes? for referring me to zefrank1 at YouTube. I now follow this dude, because I CAN'T. STOP. LAUGHING. https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/XeFxdkaFzRA&source=udsIt's as good as Chewbacca… Continue reading Monday is for…Face-Rending Owl Muppets
Oh Groupon,You Sneaky Assassin
Today, nestled in the innocuous Groupon email offers for tasty dinners, pedicures, and odd products, there was a super awesome opportunity for cheap Skydiving.Let's not focus on how I'd rather pay full price for a death-defying activity for now. I'm not against skydiving: I'd be interested except I'd barf on the poor tandem person I'm… Continue reading Oh Groupon,You Sneaky Assassin
I’m Stuck in Post-Vacation, Post-New-Book Blahs…
You know that feeling? The one where you FINALLY get the second book in a series you like so much you'll ignore everything to read it (everything = eating, sex, feeding the dogs, showering, sleeping, working, oh shit was that a husband who just walked by? I'm not sure...I'm utterly lost in a different world)?Yeah. So… Continue reading I’m Stuck in Post-Vacation, Post-New-Book Blahs…
Dear Russia: Goats, Unicorns, Babies, Spam can all be found here.
I'm amused that some of my labels increase the Russian and Eastern European traffic exponentially. Since said labels are "This Isn't Porn" and "These Are Not the Penises You're Looking For" I'd say they're not reading closely enough...after all, I think it's pretty goddamned clear. So hello, all you porn-surfing-peeps who accidentally arrived at my… Continue reading Dear Russia: Goats, Unicorns, Babies, Spam can all be found here.
THIS Surpasses "Darth Creepiness"
Remember that time when I bought a Lego Sarlacc and put sad-faced Lego people heads on it? Because I'm disturbing and fun?Today, super cool Sarah at This Is How The Apocalypse Starts has FAR FAR surpassed my creepiness.I'm proud to know her internetness.Go read this immediately: http://apocalypsestarts.blogspot.com/2014/03/because-everyone-needs-to-have-creepy.htmlYou're welcome for the nightmares.
Furballs Run My Household
Shit I've said to the dogs in the past week:But my feet are so TASTY! It's exhausting...Stop licking your feet. NO HUMPING YOUR BROTHER!Thor, don't bite Chewy's face when he's coming back in. Wait until he's through the door, fucker, it's COLD out there. DO NOT EAT THAT POOP!Seriously, Thor, stop eating your goddamn feet.… Continue reading Furballs Run My Household
No Pithy Phrase 