As it turns out, poor Samael the Starbucks Greeting Demon is unable to withstand the violent changes in Minnesota weather. Slowly but surely, he's following in Mom's (the Wicked Witch, of course) damp footsteps as we hover around 32 degrees today. Clearly, the expression on his ever-shrinking face is that of his father, Mr. Bill.… Continue reading The Desolate One: Ephelba and Mr. Bill’s Spawn
Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One
This morning I stopped at Starbucks, because I'm an addict and I'm not sorry I stop every morning that I go into the office (today is an office day), and this little dude greeted me:Samuel waving hello...or, screaming for help. FYI: THEY named him Samuel, not me. I would've named him Samael* The Desolate One and… Continue reading Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One
I’ve Been Working, I Swear
I have a couple of pending posts...but in the meantime, if you don't read The Bloggess all the time anyway (WHY DON'T YOU??) go read this. Because it made my crappy week at work one bazillion times better.http://thebloggess.com/2014/01/the-lion-and-the-unicorn-were-fighting-for-the-crown-and-for-my-heart/You're welcome.
I’m Done SHOULDing All Over Myself
Screw resolutions.I've spent my entire life hearing "should" and some variation of "ought to (generally it's "otta").You should lose weight. You should eat better. You should write more. You should pay more attention. You should be sexier. You should be more professional. You shouldn't act so crazy. You should be more fun. You shouldn't hide.… Continue reading I’m Done SHOULDing All Over Myself
Dear Yahoo Mail: There Are No Snakes In My Pants.
This isn't a real post...just a moment of amusement.Today's winning Spam email (and by "winning" I mean most ridiculously humorous)?"Replace your pant snake with a PYTHON" by Pharmacy Online.Thank you, Pharmacy Online, but as I have no snakes in my pants and I have somewhat of a phobia of Snakes, Snakipeders, and other creatures...I TRULY… Continue reading Dear Yahoo Mail: There Are No Snakes In My Pants.
Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN.
Remember the super cool college football marching band that made itself into a T-Rex that ate a dude? Wait. Read that sentence again. My life is fucking weird. http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/DNe0ZUD19EE&source=udsAnyway, this? Well. I do believe a group of really bored sheep farmers (aka shepherds) with some astounding choreography (and engineering) skills and really well trained sheepdogs… Continue reading Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN.
People, I Need a Brownie!
I've been working a while now on a book (well, to be fair, on a couple of books). I cut a snippet into a 500 word scene and submitted it to a flash fiction contest in the summer. I didn't win, but I DID get some really excellent feedback, which I used to re-write (and… Continue reading People, I Need a Brownie!
And Thus I Consider My Blog a Win.
Search term that produced my blog today:"trampled by Xena"Win. I'm proud.I'll probably do a real post tomorrow. Today I'm basking in Xena-ness.
UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I’m a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)
Oh Yahoo spam mail, you do make my week awesome: Yesterday I got five separate invitations to join JDate. That would be the Jewish Dating service.Today (so far) I've received three Christian Mingle offers. And four different penis-enhancement-emails (viagra/cialis drugs, enlargements)Evidently I have a whole catalog of issues: small penis size, under-performing penis action (not surprising… Continue reading UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I’m a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)
SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!
Because who the fuck wouldn't watch a bad Saturday night movie with a flesh-eating-attack-unicorn?? People, it's goddamned genius: the ultimate symbol of innocence and purity ravaging a city with impalement carnagey death. Somebody who's not me and can actually write scripts: get on that shit.I wonder if the Snakipeder Army could defend against Carnicorn...hmm.Also, the… Continue reading SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!
No Pithy Phrase 