So, yesterday it occurred to me that elevators are a veritable buffet of potential hotness. I mean really, firefighters at the push of a button*? *I KNOW the button is for firefighters' use, not an awesome Bat signal for buff heroic types of either sex. **this is not a real post. But I'm back: real posts commencing forthwith! UPDATE:… Continue reading Updated for awesome. So…How Many Can I Request??
Tag: this isn’t porn
UPDATED: Why Yes, I DO Prefer Non-Test-Tube Men, Thanks
Sign on my way to work this morning:Homemade males*Now I'm 99% certain the males in my life of all species in all capacities are 100% homemade by their parents. No plastic Ken dolls here, and no test tube or clones. Of course, one can never be certain the body snatchers or Stepford scientists haven't been… Continue reading UPDATED: Why Yes, I DO Prefer Non-Test-Tube Men, Thanks
There Aren’t Enough Spanx In The World…
This isn't a real post. I just had to point out something horrid. You know, I don't pay a lot of attention to fashion. My ideal of dressing up is jeans instead of yoga pants. I noticed when the '80's invaded Target: leg warmers, off-the-shoulder sweatshirts. Headbands. diagonal stripes. It was a style horror show.… Continue reading There Aren’t Enough Spanx In The World…
Bacon Fanatics: Gird Your Pork Product. I’ve had enough.
Sigh. I get it. I'm as big a fan of tasty breakfast meats as the next person, and I do love me some crispy crispy bacon on a burger. But seriously? It's time to fucking stop. Tactical Bacon - nasty limp bacon coiled in a can like a tapeworm ready to strike. I've seen it.… Continue reading Bacon Fanatics: Gird Your Pork Product. I’ve had enough.
"Negative, I Am A Meat Popsicle"
It's true, I've been watching some LeeLoo Dallas: Multipass* while packing.I forgot how much I hate moving, even if we do have weirdo neighbors. There's a lot of crying and drooling in my house (by the dogs, of course...I don't drool when I'm crying. Maybe while sleeping, but there hasn't been a lot of that… Continue reading "Negative, I Am A Meat Popsicle"
Dear Russia: Goats, Unicorns, Babies, Spam can all be found here.
I'm amused that some of my labels increase the Russian and Eastern European traffic exponentially. Since said labels are "This Isn't Porn" and "These Are Not the Penises You're Looking For" I'd say they're not reading closely enough...after all, I think it's pretty goddamned clear. So hello, all you porn-surfing-peeps who accidentally arrived at my… Continue reading Dear Russia: Goats, Unicorns, Babies, Spam can all be found here.
Dear Yahoo Mail: There Are No Snakes In My Pants.
This isn't a real post...just a moment of amusement.Today's winning Spam email (and by "winning" I mean most ridiculously humorous)?"Replace your pant snake with a PYTHON" by Pharmacy Online.Thank you, Pharmacy Online, but as I have no snakes in my pants and I have somewhat of a phobia of Snakes, Snakipeders, and other creatures...I TRULY… Continue reading Dear Yahoo Mail: There Are No Snakes In My Pants.
UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I’m a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)
Oh Yahoo spam mail, you do make my week awesome: Yesterday I got five separate invitations to join JDate. That would be the Jewish Dating service.Today (so far) I've received three Christian Mingle offers. And four different penis-enhancement-emails (viagra/cialis drugs, enlargements)Evidently I have a whole catalog of issues: small penis size, under-performing penis action (not surprising… Continue reading UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I’m a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)
I Have No Good Title For This
Since I'm lacking any full-post-worthy (sigh, I wrote that as "worty" at first...which is both gross AND makes me think of herbs...and beer) items I give you a bunch of random crap.1) I saw Ender's Game. No, I'm not sorry about seeing a movie based on a book that deals with issues like blind hatred… Continue reading I Have No Good Title For This
And So, I Embrace Google’s Opinion Me
Remember how everyone tells me their sex and relationship issues? Did you know my husband is moving to Texas for 11 months next year for school (I am not, for financial and practical reasons...meaning, I'd like to keep my job until I get to the point they'll let me work from home full time, I… Continue reading And So, I Embrace Google’s Opinion Me
No Pithy Phrase 