Tag: this isn’t porn

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Go Ahead: Call Me Lazypants.

Jess1 Comment

Do you know what happens when I have weeks and weeks off of work between the end of my contract and the beginning of a new position? NOTHING. So far:I've gotten utterly hooked on the Kevin McKidd episodes of Grey's Anatomy, even though I'd been warned not to get into that show (because goddammit, I'm… Continue reading Go Ahead: Call Me Lazypants.

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I Am Not Resolute, Bitches!

Jess3 Comments

I'm wholly unfunny this week, partially due to the chest cold from hell which forced me to not-sleep on the couch one night (as opposed to not-sleeping in bed) so Husband could get SOME shut-eye. He's back to work full time, and I'm currently unemployed, therefore in all fairness he needed sleep more than me.… Continue reading I Am Not Resolute, Bitches!

It’s a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy!
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It’s a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy!

Jess1 Comment

Not this one:  Creepy Walken Face Courtesy of IMDB.comAlthough I did discover (while wasting time on IMDB.com finding that picture) that the same dude who did Highlander did The Prophecy movies. Cool. But no, that's not the prophecy I meant. Nor is the solstice/endoftheworld/apocalypse my subject today, despite "oh god, oh god, we're all… Continue reading It’s a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy!

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CLIMB INTO THE HANDBASKET…and hang the hell on.

Jess5 Comments

 If you're wondering, I'm TOTALLY using that title for my as-yet-ill-conceived memoir. That's right: "climb into the handbasket" was one of the many fucked-up ways people found this blog. Here are a few others: "i'm in love with my same sex therapist" - I'm fairly certain I've never blogged about this. Should I ever I'll… Continue reading CLIMB INTO THE HANDBASKET…and hang the hell on.

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I’m Wonder Woman…without the sexy costume.

Jess5 Comments

My grossly neglected dogs (who have punished me for recent lack-of-attention by killing birds, eating bad Halloween candy and vomiting aluminum wrappers all over the floor under the table, and other manifestations of evil) had a vet appointment today. Both survived their respective tortures: Chewy is prone to ear infections: he has one (and it's… Continue reading I’m Wonder Woman…without the sexy costume.

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My 250th Post Should Have Substance, right? (or, shit I’d do if Death was comin’ to GET me)

Jess1 Comment

But instead, I'm pirating from myself. So I have this really good friend who is mostly bored to death with what most people do for fun (strip clubs, TV, movies, the bar...) and likes to discuss deep shit. I mean Deep Shit: he persistently asks me hard questions. Not rocket-science or calculus or how to bake… Continue reading My 250th Post Should Have Substance, right? (or, shit I’d do if Death was comin’ to GET me)

Update: This was going to be a real post, but then there was an angry dog. And Bellydancing Chewbaccas.
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Update: This was going to be a real post, but then there was an angry dog. And Bellydancing Chewbaccas.

Jess2 Comments

There's a real post coming, and the next flash fiction entry for my Seven Deadly Sins project (which was sidetracked by broken pelvis scaffolding and hospitals). In the meantime: My sister is a HUGE Viking's fan. I'm not a football fan in general (although I AM quite a fan of Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, but that's… Continue reading Update: This was going to be a real post, but then there was an angry dog. And Bellydancing Chewbaccas.

This is not real. Is it??
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This is not real. Is it??

Jess3 Comments

BaaRamEwe BitchesSeriously...I'm tempted to buy this and put it in Husband's office as an evil surprise Christmas present (since that'll be the next time he'll be able to get upstairs in our house).

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Why I Bellydance (This is not a funny post. You probably don’t want to read it).

Jess6 Comments

So I'm six feet tall. This has relevance, promise. By the time I was in fourth grade I was taller than everyone else AND I was getting boobs, because nature decided I needed multiple targets for the bullies in school. Since I was about eight I've been a pretty consistent failure at being a feminine… Continue reading Why I Bellydance (This is not a funny post. You probably don’t want to read it).

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"I rather like my lady bits – certainly enough so that I don’t want to purposefully electrocute them."

Jess7 Comments

Apparently some of those shoes/stuff/clothing "membership" sites (which are really just another way to fill your inbox with crap you'll rarely buy but are fabulous time-wasters at work) also hock discount "personal massagers." Discount sex toys. DISCOUNT.My good friend recently signed up on a clothing-membership site. For clothes. Today she said "Why am I being stalked… Continue reading "I rather like my lady bits – certainly enough so that I don’t want to purposefully electrocute them."