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Pays nothing…may Traumatize Christmas Baby Dragons.

Today I spent quite a bit of time screwing off (in a non-sexual, work-appropriate way). As has been my usual MO for the past week or two…because projects have been delayed by forces not in my control (I SWEAR I didn’t wave that wand toward work!!).

Therefore, I spend much of my afternoon fucking around on Craigslist. Since that phrase could mean quite a few different inappropriate behaviors, oh DO let me share the best DOD: Distractions of the Day.

Witness: Kiss Car. Note it’s for sale to only the ULTIMATE fan of Gene Simmons. I sort of expect to see it tooling around St. Paul soon, since KISS is playing the MN state fair this year. Apparently bloody demon music is excellent family entertainment. (Wait Kiss Army! I’ve been to a few Kiss concerts and my husband’s a huge fan. I think they’re fucking fabulous. It’s called sarcasm…stop threatening me and for fuck’s sake PUT YOUR TONGUES AWAY.)

In other news, I firmly believe this is the BEST CAR AD EVER. I mean, it made me want to grow a beard AND drive a ’95 goddam…erm…grand am. Plus, any ad that uses “Jesus Tap Dancing Christ” is a fucking winner in my book: told Husband he can’t sell my truck until he comes up with an equally entertaining ad.

I also seriously considered quitting my job as a business analyst for a health-care-company in favor of becoming a dragonslayer, except that brought up the Dilemma of DragonSlaying. It sparked a whole ethical dilemma in today’s email session:

Me: Being a fucking weirdo, my first thought was “but what if the red and green dragons are husband and wife dragons? I’m not killing someone’s spouse. For FREE. WTF dude?”


C: what if they have little baby Christmas themed dragon-ites? That’s not cool man.Also if it’s green there’s a solid chance that it’s Puff the Magic Dragon and, dude, that is nothing but good news. Seriously.
Z: Do I get to keep a trophy of this dragon? Because I would mount it’s wings on my car, that would look so fucking cool. Husband and Wife or Brother and Sister, either way I’m not risking encoring the lifetime wrath of a Dragon for no pay. The only way this would work is if the Dragon gave me half his heart and was actually Sean Connery. Although I still wouldn’t kill it then.

Yup. That was my day today.

JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST! I MEET JENNY LAWSON TOMORROW!!

One thought on “Pays nothing…may Traumatize Christmas Baby Dragons.

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