This is not a funny post, because I’ve hit my fucking limit.
Our society has a rabid hunger for armchair quarterbacking destruction. The tabloids that sell best usually have a superstar’s epic failure of some sort plastered all over the cover. Reality TV gets the highest ratings when people are the biggest assholes to each other (and themselves). Everyone seems to watch tragedy and sadness and terrible things in another person’s life and secretly rub their grubby mental hands together in silent glee that it isn’t happening to THEM.
In absence of an arena to watch gladiators tear each other apart, we settle for the public dramas of “stars” and the private dramas of our peer groups, gossiping and giving advice as though we’re experts in another’s life. And really, what’s better than sitting on the sidelines while your “friends” fall apart so you can offer sage advice about how awful the other person is and how you never thought it’d last, and all the while be glad it isn’t you?
Sounds pretty fucking sick, doesn’t it?
Husband and I are separated and back in Minnesota, and it’s SO VERY INTERESTING which people in our peer groups are actually supportive and which are condescendingly judging or providing asshole “advice” to either/both sides. Advice like “you better take him/her for everything they have, because otherwise you’ll end up with nothing” or “stop talking to/supporting because he/she’s just using you” and worse, even more vile things. If I take a step back it’s very similar to the accident, actually: marriage issues seem to bring out real traits normally hidden behind social graces in people. Some of those real traits are beyond awesome. Some are utterly disgusting.
Whether we stay together or split up, I have loved the man for over a decade. He’s been one of my best friends for nearly fifteen years. I still love him, regardless of our issues. Issues which are between us and guess what? You haven’t lived them, therefore you have no right to comment upon them unless I specifically ask for your advice. I will still love him and be his friend regardless of the outcome of our separation. And so, to take a page from the best example I can think of I will say the following publicly and with as much clarity as I can muster.
DO YOU THINK YOU ENDEAR YOURSELF TO ME BY TALKING SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE I LOVE?
If you badmouth my husband in any way to me, for any reason (including under the sick guise of “but I want what’s best for you,” as though anyone knows what’s best for me besides ME) you will have revealed yourself to be exactly the type of person I don’t want in my circle of friends. PERIOD.
You want to gossip behind my back, that’s fine: that’s up to you. Have fun. When I hear about it (as gossip inevitably travels) my statement above stands.
Tomorrow I’ll try to be funny. Today I’m just angry.