*primarily of walls, yards, and carpetFor all things there is a season. A time to sow, a time to reap...A time to attempt to rip small furry rodents into small pieces, pick fights with the neighbor's German Shepherd, and a time to howl.Welcome to teenage doghood, where it's not the hormones that cause a pet… Continue reading Ragnar the Destroyer*
I've held a lot of this in for a year, and this is NOT a pleasant or easy read. It is not funny, and there is detail I'm not sorry about sharing but isn't fun. This is your warning.Today is the one year anniversary of Chewy's death.That's a kind way of saying it: a euphemism,… Continue reading Pets: Not for the Faint-Hearted
Thank you Chewy, for spending most of your life here with us. We were lucky. When you see Thor, tell him I miss him, too.
This is not a funny post. Today was a bad day. My vet told me to do a good day/bad day jar for a couple of weeks, but I don't really need it.Death is stalking my household.Thanatos waits patiently in the shadowed corners of my living room while we watch movies and bark quietly at… Continue reading Dear Death: I See You Here
I love you, my dearest Furface. Thank you for giving me nearly 12 years of love, protection, companionship, and important lessons. You leave a crater behind, and we will miss you forever. May Valhalla be full of bunnies and cheeseburgers and snuggling and fetch, and may the gods watch over you. Don't nip Slepnir, honey -… Continue reading Lo There Do I See My Beloved Thor
There are no puppies in my house anymore. Thor is now 11, which is in his early 80's in German Shepherd years. Chewy is nearly 10, which is mid-80's in Great Pyrenees years. You'd think in their dotage they'd be less prone to random acts of asshattery, right? Oh no, definitely not. And so, things… Continue reading Thor, Chewy, Beelzebub
Chewy has been particularly unimpressed with us lately. Ok let's be honest: he's perfectly fine with Husband. He's less than thrilled with me. In the past week, he's burned his tongue off*, endured humiliating tortures, and been denied wintertime treats. All because he has the unfortunate happenstance of birth to be reincarnated as a giant Star Wars… Continue reading The Trials and Tribulations of a Jedi Dog.
Shit I've said to the dogs in the past week:But my feet are so TASTY! It's exhausting...Stop licking your feet. NO HUMPING YOUR BROTHER!Thor, don't bite Chewy's face when he's coming back in. Wait until he's through the door, fucker, it's COLD out there. DO NOT EAT THAT POOP!Seriously, Thor, stop eating your goddamn feet.… Continue reading Furballs Run My Household
Because who the fuck wouldn't watch a bad Saturday night movie with a flesh-eating-attack-unicorn?? People, it's goddamned genius: the ultimate symbol of innocence and purity ravaging a city with impalement carnagey death. Somebody who's not me and can actually write scripts: get on that shit.I wonder if the Snakipeder Army could defend against Carnicorn...hmm.Also, the… Continue reading SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!
In the news today I found an article the perfectly describes why I have no patience for stupid. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. As a non-Christian, I'm 100% certain I would not survive well in the deep south, even though I don't generally advertise my beliefs nor do I dispute anyone else's. But… Continue reading "Because Beelzabub touched my W-2. That’s why."