Tag: these are not the penises you’re looking for

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Be Careful What You Ask For?

Jess2 Comments

Every once in a while, people who aren't COMPLETELY horrified at the stuff I think up wonder where the hell I get some of my story ideas. I had a nifty example today...While sitting in the girl-doctor's office waiting room, no less (before being mildly annoyed that my appointment was being cancelled via phone while… Continue reading Be Careful What You Ask For?

The Return and Demise of Samael
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The Return and Demise of Samael

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Two years ago, the Starbucks nearest to my house hosted a demon on their drive-through shelf.As most bad pennies do, he turned up again on Wednesday last week after a snowstorm. I mean, sheesh...evil soul-swallowing snow monsters and their regeneration, right? How exhausting.The Desolate One, ThwartedSadly, Samael (The Desolate One) was no match for the… Continue reading The Return and Demise of Samael

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"Duran Duran DOES NOT Sing The Song Of My People" (This post is Not Safe For Anyone*)

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I seriously considered leaving this entire post blank**, because in this case the title really does say it all. Honestly, I laughed so hard at that one (which was dropped during what I thought was a totally normal conversation) I wheezed and cried a little.Also? Since I generally anonymize my friends/family on this blog unless… Continue reading "Duran Duran DOES NOT Sing The Song Of My People" (This post is Not Safe For Anyone*)

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Errant Vegetables In The News

Jess3 Comments

I love Huffington Post. No, I didn't include a link. Yes, that's on purpose. Not because it's an example of fair journalism (they aren't), nor because of the quality writing (it often isn't), nor because the site is so full of integrity* (definitely not). *this is a site that doesn't pay any of the writers.… Continue reading Errant Vegetables In The News

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I Had Too Much Sugar Today

Jess1 Comment

None of these are enough for a single post.Someone found my blog by googling "unmanning husband" which sort of baffles AND intrigues me. OF COURSE I HAD TO GOOGLE IT. And I did indeed find the post in question...along with the oddest random assortment of links I've ever seen. Seriously, wtf? Macbeth - A critical readerA tumblr… Continue reading I Had Too Much Sugar Today

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Yahoo Spam Thinks I’m a Cheating Alcoholic

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You know, it seems odd to begin with that a separated woman gets emails inviting her to join "married but looking" cheating websites geared towards husbands, particularly when Ashley Madison just got hacked. Thanks Yahoo, but no, I'm not looking for a Asian girl or a fuck buddy named Adriana (who can't POSSIBLY be 18… Continue reading Yahoo Spam Thinks I’m a Cheating Alcoholic

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Dear Houston: Put The Death Rays Away. I’m Visiting.

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If this is my last post due to melting under Texas heat, will someone please scrape what's left of the puddle into the ocean?I'm heading to the office in Houston for a week on Sunday...my app says the temp will be a balmy 100 (or, if I'm really lucky, 99).However, I will probably cause all… Continue reading Dear Houston: Put The Death Rays Away. I’m Visiting.

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The Time Feminism Forces Me to Defend a…Palin

Jess2 Comments

So today my Facebook feed and news outlets have two rivaling headlines. First and most importantly, SCOTUS has effectively shut down all those idiots terrified that Mark and Steve's marriage, or Jane and Sally's, will somehow threaten their own heterosexual homes. And to the national endorsement of equality for people who want to marry, I say… Continue reading The Time Feminism Forces Me to Defend a…Palin

SpiderFerns Are a Thing Now??
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SpiderFerns Are a Thing Now??

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Once in a while people ask where I get ideas for stories, which I think is funny because I can't STOP coming up with stupid and horrifying combinations in my brain that could be a terrible story. I just don't usually share most of them...I'm weird enough already. But while downloading pics from my phone tonight… Continue reading SpiderFerns Are a Thing Now??

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I Dub Thee "Herman the Moulien"* (pronunciation updated)

Jess1 Comment

So I have a (perhaps foolish) goal to submit at least two pieces of writing every month for publication this year. Yeah, yeah, I know...but it's not a sparkler-and-champagne induced resolution thing like losing weight or some other random general "goal." I'd like to say I have a really specific goal, such as writing 1k words… Continue reading I Dub Thee "Herman the Moulien"* (pronunciation updated)