Townhome Twits Episode IV: Bitch Wars

Read the first couple Townhome Twits here: Sneaky Peeping, here: Snow White, and here: Eyeore.

Our place has excessively limited parking. Everyone gets a one-car garage and two assigned spaces. Visitor parking isn’t supposed to be used for resident cars, which means for people like Husband (who currently owns one winter car and two fun cars in addition to the truck and my mustang) we are always fanaggling parking with neighbors.

Directly in front of our house we have one spot. The spot next to ours is Eyeore’s, who rents it out to the neighbor across the way and down two places. I’m beginning to think I need to draw a damn map, but my skill with MSPaint is laughable. 

This would be the lady who has been a pain in our collective asses since we moved in eight years ago. She and her three barky little ankle biting dogs (and they are, indeed, biters…my ankles can attest) run the complex. Anyway, said neighbor we’ve called the Bitch since we moved in. Why? Well, the first winter we lived here there was a LOT of snow. The snow removal dudes clear a two-foot wide path where they guess our sidewalk should be, and that winter the snowbanks on either side of the walking path were pretty high. The Bitch’s daughter kept parking her car in such a way that she blocked half of our sidewalk. I put a note on the car (not knowing it was Bitch’s daughter’s car: thinking it was a visitor, since it wasn’t Eyeore’s) asking please park appropriately so the sidewalk isn’t blocked, and PS there’s visitor parking around the corner.

This woman knocked on our door about twenty minutes later, screamed at me incoherently while waving an old parking map, and walked away without giving me any chance to respond. I’m not kidding: to this day I think she was screamumbling something about being allowed to park there and how DARE I harass her daughter. But she could’ve been saying something about doughnuts or dogs: she seemed drunk. After that she became the Whirlwind Bitch: swooping in to snark and bitch about parking and running away before anyone can respond.

She did so again last winter while Husband was in the wheelchair and had home-health nurses and PT people coming to the house. Have I mentioned when the association repaved the parking lot they didn’t bother to line and number the assigned parking? Yeah. They didn’t (because they’re cheap assholes), so there’s NO WAY for a non-resident to know not to park in assigned parking.

This time, however, I yelled back at her as she tried to escape.: “I’m SO TERRIBLY FUCKING SORRY that my WHEELCHAIRBOUND HUSBAND’S health aids don’t know where to park and you can fuck off since they’re here for 1/2 hour a couple times a week when no-one else is home. Oh, and please can you tell your asshole cougarized boyfriend with the very large “my penis is huge, really” truck to park straight so I can get my husband’s chair out of our car without scratching anything? Thanks.”

She hasn’t been back since.

6 thoughts on “Townhome Twits Episode IV: Bitch Wars

  1. Oh the first five or ten \”encounters\” with here I did exactly that…stewed and imagined all the things I wish I would've said. I think the only reason I said anything this last time was because I was short on sleep, high on stress and worry, and had hit my limit with all manner of stupid. 🙂


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