Chewy has been particularly unimpressed with us lately. Ok let's be honest: he's perfectly fine with Husband. He's less than thrilled with me. In the past week, he's burned his tongue off*, endured humiliating tortures, and been denied wintertime treats. All because he has the unfortunate happenstance of birth to be reincarnated as a giant Star Wars… Continue reading The Trials and Tribulations of a Jedi Dog.
Category: Uncategorized
No, I Don’t Know Why Either.
I don't have enough of one topic for a funny post tonight, but I have a bunch of weird episodes from the past few days I thought I'd share. Earlier this week, I found the following in my cube garbage can at work: But WHY is this even a question?WHAT THE FUCK does any of that mean?… Continue reading No, I Don’t Know Why Either.
Molon Labe
This is not a funny post. It's likely to cause me some hate mail (or hate-facebooking, I suppose). Ah well.I am completely NOT shocked, nor even mildly surprised, about the CIA torture report. What DOES dishearten me are the variations of "This is why I don't give a fuck that we tortured terrorists" memes on… Continue reading Molon Labe
"Mrs. Titts" isn’t an empty title, people.
Today, I was coerced by a pushy coworker to PARTICIPATE in group "fun" activities. I think work fun activities should involve alcohol and the ability to watch people make idiots of themselves. Well, I suppose I got half of that. We were "festive" and made gingerbread houses. Because what's better at an insurance company than… Continue reading "Mrs. Titts" isn’t an empty title, people.
Oh Skymall…you dirty dirty bird…
I went home (to the tundra) last weekend. It was an adventure. First, I was hit on by the dude next to me, Chad from downtown Minneapolis, on the plane. Chad insisted I'm 10 years younger than I am. Score.For me. He did not score. Bummer for you, Chad, but you were quite charming and I… Continue reading Oh Skymall…you dirty dirty bird…
The Houpocalypse Is Upon Us
Earlier this week I attempted to see whether I could look forward to drowning in a mudpit or roasting in a dust loud during my Saturday morning lead-the-horses-til-my-legs-scream hiking volunteer work.Apparently there won't be any, since the news site I used indicated the world ends today at 3pm. And, there will be no weekend. It was nice… Continue reading The Houpocalypse Is Upon Us
Updated for awesome. So…How Many Can I Request??
So, yesterday it occurred to me that elevators are a veritable buffet of potential hotness. I mean really, firefighters at the push of a button*? *I KNOW the button is for firefighters' use, not an awesome Bat signal for buff heroic types of either sex. **this is not a real post. But I'm back: real posts commencing forthwith! UPDATE:… Continue reading Updated for awesome. So…How Many Can I Request??
Spam Day! Because Wizards Reduce Belly Fat…
So, what exactly is "forskolin"?? Because I'm not gonna lie: it sounds like foreskin, and that's just creepy as hell. Also, while it's possible penises (penii??) can help with weight loss (sex is exercise, right?), all I can think of here is some alchemical potion of foreskin and lanolin. Some creeptastic grizzly wizard in moldy robes, frantically… Continue reading Spam Day! Because Wizards Reduce Belly Fat…
It IS A SNAKE DEN GODDAMMIT! (Also, Mythic Monday – The Headless Horseman)
Listen up people. A couple weeks ago I specifically asked if THIS is a snake den: .I HAVE A SNAKIPEDER IN MY GODDAMNED GARDEN!Tonight I discovered it INDEED IS...when I brought boxes out the front door and SAW the bastard's head sticking out of the hole. Do you KNOW how many holes there are in… Continue reading It IS A SNAKE DEN GODDAMMIT! (Also, Mythic Monday – The Headless Horseman)
Update: Screaming Worms.
Turns out it's "web worms" (a couple people called them silkworms, but I didn't see any silk...just gross maggoty things that moved in time with the beat of Chewy's feet as he walked by). Husband thinks Chewy is purposefully amassing an army of worms to create air-support (as they do eventually turn into moths, after… Continue reading Update: Screaming Worms.
No Pithy Phrase 