Tag: tube full of AWESOME

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THIS Surpasses "Darth Creepiness"

Jess7 Comments

Remember that time when I bought a Lego Sarlacc and put sad-faced Lego people heads on it? Because I'm disturbing and fun?Today, super cool Sarah at This Is How The Apocalypse Starts has FAR FAR surpassed my creepiness.I'm proud to know her internetness.Go read this immediately: http://apocalypsestarts.blogspot.com/2014/03/because-everyone-needs-to-have-creepy.htmlYou're welcome for the nightmares.

Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.
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Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.

Jess5 Comments

So, as of this morning:I'm broke but I can get cash in an hour!I'm an *ahem* underhung dude (or I have size self-esteem problems) but NO WORRIES: we can extend you!I'm lonely, but luckily there's both Match and eHarmony to accommodate my dating tastes.If dating with my newly enlarged junk is too painful, I can… Continue reading Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.

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"Nice! I Have a Cadaver Bone in my Jaw. Stay Warm People."

Jess9 Comments

There is nothing I could possibly come up with for a title better than that.Today's text conversation between my sisters and I today.  Punctuation fixed (it's hard to punctuate on text properly!)S1: We got a new furnace finally!Me: Yay! Just in time for -0 this week. Whew!!S2: Nice! I have a cadaver bone in my… Continue reading "Nice! I Have a Cadaver Bone in my Jaw. Stay Warm People."

Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One
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Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One

Jess2 Comments

This morning I stopped at Starbucks, because I'm an addict and I'm not sorry I stop every morning that I go into the office (today is an office day), and this little dude greeted me:Samuel waving hello...or, screaming for help. FYI: THEY named him Samuel, not me. I would've named him Samael* The Desolate One and… Continue reading Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One

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I’ve Been Working, I Swear

Jess1 Comment

I have a couple of pending posts...but in the meantime, if you don't read The Bloggess all the time anyway (WHY DON'T YOU??) go read this. Because it made my crappy week at work one bazillion times better.http://thebloggess.com/2014/01/the-lion-and-the-unicorn-were-fighting-for-the-crown-and-for-my-heart/You're welcome.

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Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN.

Jess2 Comments

Remember the super cool college football marching band that made itself into a T-Rex that ate a dude? Wait. Read that sentence again. My life is fucking weird. http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/DNe0ZUD19EE&source=udsAnyway, this? Well. I do believe a group of really bored sheep farmers (aka shepherds) with some astounding choreography (and engineering) skills and really well trained sheepdogs… Continue reading Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN.

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And Thus I Consider My Blog a Win.

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Search term that produced my blog today:"trampled by Xena"Win. I'm proud.I'll probably do a real post tomorrow. Today I'm basking in Xena-ness.

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UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I’m a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)

Jess3 Comments

Oh Yahoo spam mail, you do make my week awesome: Yesterday I got five separate invitations to join JDate. That would be the Jewish Dating service.Today (so far) I've received three Christian Mingle offers. And four different penis-enhancement-emails (viagra/cialis drugs, enlargements)Evidently I have a whole catalog of issues: small penis size, under-performing penis action (not surprising… Continue reading UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I’m a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis)

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SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!

Jess3 Comments

Because who the fuck wouldn't watch a bad Saturday night movie with a flesh-eating-attack-unicorn?? People, it's goddamned genius: the ultimate symbol of innocence and purity ravaging a city with impalement carnagey death.  Somebody who's not me and can actually write scripts: get on that shit.I wonder if the Snakipeder Army could defend against Carnicorn...hmm.Also, the… Continue reading SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!

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This Is Not A Post: NOW READ THIS

Jess1 Comment

I have a post in-progress of a story I'm working on...but to be honest there was too much wine Doctor Who shenanigans last weekend and I didn't get it finished.In the meantime, I spent quite a bit of time yesterday drooling over books reading at Barnes & Noble yesterday, and while Husband finished a very… Continue reading This Is Not A Post: NOW READ THIS