Well, I Suppose I Asked For It.

Someone found my blog today by searching for this: “how do I put a demon back to hell”

I think I won, but I’m a little worried what the prize would be in this situation. So I’m going back to regularly scheduled silliness. Like THIS (for which I’m unable to find anyone to credit, so if it’s you let me know and I’ll edit): which is now the background on my laptop.

Because it makes me giggle every damned time I see it.

Yes. Even now while I’m writing this entry.

So I went back to work this week after a lazy, utterly wasted, GLORIOUS month off watching Kevin McKidd on Grey’s Anatomy.  It was a four week escape: sleeping, reading, movies, and hiding from the disgusting cold with the dogs. I’m pretty sure I made up for the two months of no-sleep-hospital-stress-extravaganza last fall.

Anyway. I’m back to work now, and my first day went as follows. It’s not a typical boring first day (because honestly, why would I want to relive that shit if it was?).

  1. Sleep a total of three hours because even though I WORKED THERE FOR SIX MONTHS and it wasn’t a “real” first day, apparently my subconscious is a stupid anxiety ball bitch who needs to make me spend the first day of every new endeavor sleep deprived and nauseous.
  2. Leave early enough to stop for gas, coffee, and a bank deposit before 8am.
  3. Bitch about the injustice that the Wells Fargo drive-through window doesn’t open at 7am (the one by my house does, goddammit!).
  4. Park a full 20 minutes early. Note, this is nearly an hour earlier than I would NORMALLY go to this job (again, I’d been there six months before getting hired on full time, schedules are flexible at the company, and most people I work with discover quickly that I’m not worth talking to prior to 8:30am anyway).
  5. Fuck around on Facebook, Twitter and email in my car. Because waiting in the lobby for 20 minutes is just dumb.
  6. Wait in the lobby for 20 minutes anyway because traffic was bad that day.
  7. Say hello to multiple co-workers who don’t understand why the hell I’m not just going up to my desk (no security badge).
  8. Boss arrives, we go up to the new team area (they moved to another floor on my last day).
  9. I have no laptop/phone/etc. Boss follows up with IT while I’m in HR doing obligatory passport/ID paperwork and I9 stuff.
  10. Return from HR at 9:20.
  11. SENT HOME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY because IT won’t have a laptop for me until Tuesday, and I’m fired there’s nothing I can do without it.
  12. Go car shopping with husband. Buy a new (to me) truck. Because what else should a grown woman do on her first day of a new job but go home after an hour and buy a new(ish) car, right?

FYI: I got a laptop Wednesday, which really just means I get to surf the interwebz until I have a project. But I actually love this company and this team and I’m looking forward to working there.

Until I win the powerball.

Or, learn to put a demon back to hell. Apparently that’s a needed skillset.

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