There are some bigass changes in the works in my house, and the next couple of months are probably going to drive me to baldness. This should not be confused with big ASS changes, which implies something is changing about my big ass. It is not currently, as I greatly enjoy Thin Mints and the… Continue reading Things Are Weird Right Now, So: DISTRACTIONS!
Category: Uncategorized
Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.
So, as of this morning:I'm broke but I can get cash in an hour!I'm an *ahem* underhung dude (or I have size self-esteem problems) but NO WORRIES: we can extend you!I'm lonely, but luckily there's both Match and eHarmony to accommodate my dating tastes.If dating with my newly enlarged junk is too painful, I can… Continue reading Point to You, Yahoo Spam Mail. Your Message Is Clear.
It’s a Stephen King Story…In Reverse
According to multiple news sources, a ghost ship full of rats is headed to shore.The Pied Piper is apparently returning his spoils. From Canada.I have nothing else to say about this except even if you're one of those people who have rats as pets, being overrun by ten bazillion small creatures of any type is… Continue reading It’s a Stephen King Story…In Reverse
"Nice! I Have a Cadaver Bone in my Jaw. Stay Warm People."
There is nothing I could possibly come up with for a title better than that.Today's text conversation between my sisters and I today. Punctuation fixed (it's hard to punctuate on text properly!)S1: We got a new furnace finally!Me: Yay! Just in time for -0 this week. Whew!!S2: Nice! I have a cadaver bone in my… Continue reading "Nice! I Have a Cadaver Bone in my Jaw. Stay Warm People."
The Desolate One: Ephelba and Mr. Bill’s Spawn
As it turns out, poor Samael the Starbucks Greeting Demon is unable to withstand the violent changes in Minnesota weather. Slowly but surely, he's following in Mom's (the Wicked Witch, of course) damp footsteps as we hover around 32 degrees today. Clearly, the expression on his ever-shrinking face is that of his father, Mr. Bill.… Continue reading The Desolate One: Ephelba and Mr. Bill’s Spawn
Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One
This morning I stopped at Starbucks, because I'm an addict and I'm not sorry I stop every morning that I go into the office (today is an office day), and this little dude greeted me:Samuel waving hello...or, screaming for help. FYI: THEY named him Samuel, not me. I would've named him Samael* The Desolate One and… Continue reading Today’s Caffine Served by Samael, The Desolate One
I’ve Been Working, I Swear
I have a couple of pending posts...but in the meantime, if you don't read The Bloggess all the time anyway (WHY DON'T YOU??) go read this. Because it made my crappy week at work one bazillion times better.http://thebloggess.com/2014/01/the-lion-and-the-unicorn-were-fighting-for-the-crown-and-for-my-heart/You're welcome.
I’m Done SHOULDing All Over Myself
Screw resolutions.I've spent my entire life hearing "should" and some variation of "ought to (generally it's "otta").You should lose weight. You should eat better. You should write more. You should pay more attention. You should be sexier. You should be more professional. You shouldn't act so crazy. You should be more fun. You shouldn't hide.… Continue reading I’m Done SHOULDing All Over Myself
Dear Yahoo Mail: There Are No Snakes In My Pants.
This isn't a real post...just a moment of amusement.Today's winning Spam email (and by "winning" I mean most ridiculously humorous)?"Replace your pant snake with a PYTHON" by Pharmacy Online.Thank you, Pharmacy Online, but as I have no snakes in my pants and I have somewhat of a phobia of Snakes, Snakipeders, and other creatures...I TRULY… Continue reading Dear Yahoo Mail: There Are No Snakes In My Pants.
Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN.
Remember the super cool college football marching band that made itself into a T-Rex that ate a dude? Wait. Read that sentence again. My life is fucking weird. http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/DNe0ZUD19EE&source=udsAnyway, this? Well. I do believe a group of really bored sheep farmers (aka shepherds) with some astounding choreography (and engineering) skills and really well trained sheepdogs… Continue reading Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN.
No Pithy Phrase 