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SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!

Because who the fuck wouldn't watch a bad Saturday night movie with a flesh-eating-attack-unicorn?? People, it's goddamned genius: the ultimate symbol of innocence and purity ravaging a city with impalement carnagey death.  Somebody who's not me and can actually write scripts: get on that shit.I wonder if the Snakipeder Army could defend against Carnicorn...hmm.Also, the… Continue reading SyFy’s Next Sharknado: CARNICORN!

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Carpet Pooping…and Other Canine Adventures

As I'm sure you're aware (since for some reason my uterus post is the #1 read post on my blog, according to the internet gremlins who decided to count random pings from Eastern Europe as "read") I have no human babies. I have fabulous nieces and nephews whom I adore spoiling.And two excessively large canines… Continue reading Carpet Pooping…and Other Canine Adventures

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My Dogs: Too Lazy To Rip Each Other’s Faces Off.

In case you were wondering, Thor wouldn't allow me to put the "Happy Fucking Birthday" hat on him. Apparently he has more pride than Chewy, who allowed it but only with a cranky face. This is not the same cranky face I get when it's time for nail clipping, ear cleaning, or bathing...but it's close.… Continue reading My Dogs: Too Lazy To Rip Each Other’s Faces Off.

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Things I Never Thought I’d Say Out Loud…

...until I had dogs. THOR! STOP humping your brother!Who peed on the bathroom floor?Dude...it's a buttless, headless monkey (much beloved/abused stuffed animal)...gross. Chewy, I know you have to eviscerate stuffed animals, but do you HAVE to get the guts all over the floor?Chewy, seriously, poop THEN wander around. You look retarded.DON'T STEP IN IT!! GODDAMMIT!!!NO… Continue reading Things I Never Thought I’d Say Out Loud…