Tag: What the HELL

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I Had Too Much Sugar Today

Jess1 Comment

None of these are enough for a single post.Someone found my blog by googling "unmanning husband" which sort of baffles AND intrigues me. OF COURSE I HAD TO GOOGLE IT. And I did indeed find the post in question...along with the oddest random assortment of links I've ever seen. Seriously, wtf? Macbeth - A critical readerA tumblr… Continue reading I Had Too Much Sugar Today

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Nope. I DON’T Know What’s Wrong With Me Either

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I'm too tired to write a real post, so I'm looking at old post titles and trying to guess what the hell I was talking about.Feel free to play along in today's "what the actual fuck?" game:I Scared The Clerks At Legoland - Just Call Me Darth CreepinessThe Desolate One: Ephelba and Mr. Bill's SpawnCosmic… Continue reading Nope. I DON’T Know What’s Wrong With Me Either

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The Old Ones…or…Why I Shouldn’t Be Allowed In Public

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This should be filed under "yup, she's disturbed and thinks weird dark things" and you're welcome to ignore this post if horror isn't your gig. Or horror humor. Or really fucked up thought processes resulting in inappropriate innuendo. Yes, yes, I know it's early to be thinking about Poe and Lovecraft...it's still August, after all. But… Continue reading The Old Ones…or…Why I Shouldn’t Be Allowed In Public

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DO NOT Google "Velociraptor Arms"

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The nearest Starbucks to my house is either a couple miles up the freeway (which is a terrible idea between 7:30 and 8:30am, since I only want a damn coffee and not two hours in traffic for three miles), or a fairly meandering twisty series of roads through an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Of course, I take… Continue reading DO NOT Google "Velociraptor Arms"

No, I Don’t Know Why I Think This Shit Up.
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No, I Don’t Know Why I Think This Shit Up.

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So...remember I said I found the super creepy hanging teething ring with keys on the closed section of the trail? (Yes yes, I admit it's POSSIBLE it wasn't in any way disturbing to other people and it's only a sign of my own undiagnosed psychosis* that makes ME think of horror movies. Just go with… Continue reading No, I Don’t Know Why I Think This Shit Up.

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Drama Queens Love Drama

Jess2 Comments

This is not a funny post, because I've hit my fucking limit.Our society has a rabid hunger for armchair quarterbacking destruction. The tabloids that sell best usually have a superstar's epic failure of some sort plastered all over the cover. Reality TV gets the highest ratings when people are the biggest assholes to each other… Continue reading Drama Queens Love Drama

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Perhaps I Require Priority Adjustment

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Someone found my blog by searching for the following:im the creeper your the peeperI have bones. Let the picking begin.1) There's a goddamn apostrophe in "I'm"2) When did we stop capitalizing??3) Sigh. Punctuation. I just...yeah. Punctuation.4) Seriously, there's a meme on social media at least twice a day pointing out correct usage of your/you're.5) ewwwwww.… Continue reading Perhaps I Require Priority Adjustment

I Killed Shelob. Sort of.
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I Killed Shelob. Sort of.

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I get pretty bored with the regular target-targets at the range. Apparently I'm not the only person who feels that way (and watches too many SyFy monster movies), because at Gander Mountain I found THESE: Yes, I DID make it extra-large so you can see ALL THE HORROR. Is that her BRAIN bubbling out of  the… Continue reading I Killed Shelob. Sort of.

No More Jameson For You, Wampa
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No More Jameson For You, Wampa

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I found this in my office today:Drunk Wampa is drunk. Or sad. I suspect someone's been hitting the whiskey bottle on top of the fridge.It occurs to me that the monster is now out of the closet. The physical closet, I mean...I don't claim to have any knowledge on Wampa's preferences, nor do I think it's… Continue reading No More Jameson For You, Wampa

Chewy is NOT a Mouseketeer.
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Chewy is NOT a Mouseketeer.

Jess1 Comment

According to exorcism/poltergeist/paranormal horror movies, night time is when evil wakes, right? midnight is the witching hour, 0300 is the demonic hour, etcetera etcetera...Apparently in our house 0430 is Rodent Hour. If 0300 is the demonic hour in a sort of "demons saying fuck you to the holy trinity" way, what exactly is the mouse… Continue reading Chewy is NOT a Mouseketeer.