Tag: What the HELL

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DO NOT Google "Velociraptor Arms"

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The nearest Starbucks to my house is either a couple miles up the freeway (which is a terrible idea between 7:30 and 8:30am, since I only want a damn coffee and not two hours in traffic for three miles), or a fairly meandering twisty series of roads through an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Of course, I take… Continue reading DO NOT Google "Velociraptor Arms"

No, I Don’t Know Why I Think This Shit Up.
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No, I Don’t Know Why I Think This Shit Up.

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So...remember I said I found the super creepy hanging teething ring with keys on the closed section of the trail? (Yes yes, I admit it's POSSIBLE it wasn't in any way disturbing to other people and it's only a sign of my own undiagnosed psychosis* that makes ME think of horror movies. Just go with… Continue reading No, I Don’t Know Why I Think This Shit Up.

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Drama Queens Love Drama

Jess2 Comments

This is not a funny post, because I've hit my fucking limit.Our society has a rabid hunger for armchair quarterbacking destruction. The tabloids that sell best usually have a superstar's epic failure of some sort plastered all over the cover. Reality TV gets the highest ratings when people are the biggest assholes to each other… Continue reading Drama Queens Love Drama

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Perhaps I Require Priority Adjustment

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Someone found my blog by searching for the following:im the creeper your the peeperI have bones. Let the picking begin.1) There's a goddamn apostrophe in "I'm"2) When did we stop capitalizing??3) Sigh. Punctuation. I just...yeah. Punctuation.4) Seriously, there's a meme on social media at least twice a day pointing out correct usage of your/you're.5) ewwwwww.… Continue reading Perhaps I Require Priority Adjustment

I Killed Shelob. Sort of.
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I Killed Shelob. Sort of.

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I get pretty bored with the regular target-targets at the range. Apparently I'm not the only person who feels that way (and watches too many SyFy monster movies), because at Gander Mountain I found THESE: Yes, I DID make it extra-large so you can see ALL THE HORROR. Is that her BRAIN bubbling out of  the… Continue reading I Killed Shelob. Sort of.

No More Jameson For You, Wampa
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No More Jameson For You, Wampa

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I found this in my office today:Drunk Wampa is drunk. Or sad. I suspect someone's been hitting the whiskey bottle on top of the fridge.It occurs to me that the monster is now out of the closet. The physical closet, I mean...I don't claim to have any knowledge on Wampa's preferences, nor do I think it's… Continue reading No More Jameson For You, Wampa

Chewy is NOT a Mouseketeer.
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Chewy is NOT a Mouseketeer.

Jess1 Comment

According to exorcism/poltergeist/paranormal horror movies, night time is when evil wakes, right? midnight is the witching hour, 0300 is the demonic hour, etcetera etcetera...Apparently in our house 0430 is Rodent Hour. If 0300 is the demonic hour in a sort of "demons saying fuck you to the holy trinity" way, what exactly is the mouse… Continue reading Chewy is NOT a Mouseketeer.

My Stuff is…Something?
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My Stuff is…Something?

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Apparently Facebook thinks I'm a dude with ED now, too. Which is really just Facebook's way of calling me Sir. I find this both amusing and annoying. My standard response at being called Sir is to look down at my rather ample boobs, look back at the "Sir-er" and just say, "really?" Works every time. But Facebook… Continue reading My Stuff is…Something?

The Trials and Tribulations of a Jedi Dog.
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The Trials and Tribulations of a Jedi Dog.

Jess1 Comment

Chewy has been particularly unimpressed with us lately. Ok let's be honest: he's perfectly fine with Husband. He's less than thrilled with me. In the past week, he's burned his tongue off*, endured humiliating tortures, and been denied wintertime treats. All because he has the unfortunate happenstance of birth to be reincarnated as a giant Star Wars… Continue reading The Trials and Tribulations of a Jedi Dog.

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Molon Labe

Jess2 Comments

This is not a funny post. It's likely to cause me some hate mail (or hate-facebooking, I suppose). Ah well.I am completely NOT shocked, nor even mildly surprised, about the CIA torture report. What DOES dishearten me are the variations of "This is why I don't give a fuck that we tortured terrorists" memes on… Continue reading Molon Labe